The morning sun rose. Judgment day had passed. Gennaro the bishop of
“Praise to the Lord.” The other six men in the cell began to crawl off of their stone tablets and rub their eyes as the sun slowly enveloped the room. The light came through the three bars that were holding them from their freedom. “Now that we are all awake, let us pray in silence.”
They all prayed in silence for about ten minutes when a guard came by and knocked on the bars. The guard spoke to them and said “Get up you, time for your last journey, and then you can be with your gods.”
“We only have one God, the one true God.” Fetus said with great pride. Everyone in the cell except Gennaro who was still praying held him back from speaking anymore. The cell door opened and the seven men filed out of the cell and out of the prison. They were led by two guards on a path that ended on the horizon. The sun had risen a bit more since they left the prison and the day grew warmer and warmer.
“I wonder if God will spare us.” Proculus said. The others looked at him with acknowledgement.
“I am sure He will.” Socius replied and then looked around and marveled at the rolling country side and the pristine ocean. Socius ached, and did not want to leave this land and depart to the afterlife. Socius had not spoken to God as the others said they had done. Socius did not feel the bliss and ecstasy from prayer and mediation. He simply found the Christian religion to be the most logical.
“Do not test God Socius. He will deliver us from the fire of Hades and we shall ascend to Heaven, for it is written, and it shall be done.” Gennaro spoke with a very eloquent tone. The others were mesmerized, all but Socius.
“Why must the faithful perish, why can’t we fight?” Socius already knew the answer to this rhetorical question that none would answer. Socius had studied the New and Old Testament more than the others. “There are still so many to preach to. We are much more knowledgeable than others; there are still so many places to spread the word.” Socius words were lost on the followers.
“Only you can choose your own path. At the final judgment you may be tempted to take the easy, beaten path. The path to righteousness will be most difficult.” Gennaro spoke and the others nodded in agreement.
“Can one not choose the right path but also live a full gratifying life? Can we not enjoy the things that God provides for us? Do you not enjoy sitting in the shade on a hot afternoon Acutius? Do you not enjoy the pleasant sweetness of the pomegranate Eutyches? And you, Desiderius, do you not take pleasure in a warm bath?” Socius spoke, but noticed that the men were already dead set on their path. He applauded their diligence and faith, but scorned their lack of free thought.
“You keep posing questions to answers that you already know. There is no more philosophizing to be done, for it has already been done. But it is not philosophy, but inspiration from Yahweh. You know this better than most.” Gennaro stated in a peaceful manner, but was growing impatient with Socius ramblings as he feared that it would spread like locust among the group.
“Our end is very grim. Do you not fear death? If you do not fear death, surely you must fear pain. I have yet to meet a man that could stand a simple burn from flint let alone the fiery furnaces. You must under stand this.” Socius spoke as the others zoned out in quiet meditative state. Only Socius and Gennaro engaged in any human contact.
“God will be at my side now and always. Do not fear pain, fear God.” Gennaro spoke in a more forceful manner, eager to return to his meditative state, but did not understand that for every time he replied to Socius’ rants, it only made Socius want to continue.
“You fear God because it is written that you must fear God. I fear pain because I feel pain.” Socius said.
“The word is God. It is more real than life.” Gennaro said. As they continued to walk an amphitheatre came into view. Near the amphitheatre was a clay building with smoke billowing out of the chimney. The roar of bears and lions echoed from the arena. Upon hearing and seeing these things, Socius fell to his knees and began praying to God. When the others saw this, they also fell to their knees. The guards didn’t mind this, as they received a much needed break from their long arduous journey.
Questions Answered
I chose c at random. Surely there is no random. I think I chose it because I like lions and bears. Writing dialogue is easy. Writing convincing dialogue is very hard. Further, to make character development from dialogue is pretty easy because all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be. That includes dialogue, because it is how we present ourselves and interact with others. They say that body language is 90% of dialogue or something like that. You can’t really write that kind of thing, it is all interpreted subconsciously. The visual work didn’t really help because we had to write about before the moment.
3 comments:
Hi Tony,
I thought you had an interesting take on how you chose to approach this assignment. I liked the interaction between Socius and Gennaro, and how you portrayed two different points of view. They were both consistent characters with a lot of depth to them, which the readers could discern since you gave us their inner thoughts (especially those of Socius). You did a nice job of showing with the dialogue exchange, as well. There were also places where your writing was lyrical, such as “The other six men in the cell began to crawl off of their stone tablets and rub their eyes *as the sun slowly enveloped the room.*”
There are a few easily mended mechanical errors. One that stood out to me was your dialogue, which should end with a comma, not a period. For example, “ “We only have one God, the one true God.” Fetus said with great pride.” should have a comma after the second God, before Fetus, like so: “ “We only have one God, the one true God,” Fetus said with great pride.” Also, the use of the phrase “zoned out” is anachronistic. Finally, at the end of the 11th paragraph “Socius ramblings” should have an apostrophe, and in the same sentence the word “locust” should be plural. Other than these small details which would tighten up your writing, nice job! I enjoyed reading your piece.
I liked your story, but it seemed rather cliche. You created good charactersand I liked the way they did not seem to understand the other's point of veiw, but their dialouge seemed staged. It also seemed rather cliche, the idea that these men were being led to thier deaths but one of them was not sure he wanted to go. I also was confused as to what caused his rapid transformation at the end. You explained the philosophical backgrounds of each of the characters, but you did not use dialogue to move the story along, it was more like the story was happening and the characters were chatting as it went. There were also a couple of grammatical errors which were a bit distracting. Other than that though, it was a good story!
Tony,
I liked your piece. I was a little bit confused by the ending, but I did think that your dialog was convincing and I liked the involved complex characters that you developed and I do think that they were distinctive in their personalities.
I think that the name fetus distracts from the story. In the beginning of the story when you state the fact that all the various followers died you are telling not showing. “the others looked at him with acknowledgement” is telling not showing. I’m not sure what you mean by “Socius ached, and did not want to leave this land…” I was confused by a few parts in your story and unless that is what you are going for, I think that you should clarify that more.
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